Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Lady of the Lake

Barry descended the steep trail to the canyon gingerly, guiding his trusty steed amidst fallen boulders, dinosaur bones and the waterlogged economy of Iceland. The canyon was full of water, its many banks eroded.

Against the dawn sky, the image of the full moon glowed, then receded. Barry rode to the water’s edge and called out, “O Lady of the Lake, I have come to make an offering.”

“Speak, mortal,” a voice commanded from the blue depths.

“I bring you the shredded currencies of the world,” Barry cried, and tossed upon the waters $700 billion US dollars, 250 billion British pounds sterling, Germany’s 500 billion euros in bank guarantees, France’s state guarantee of 320 billion euros and assorted yen, yuan, rubles, rupees, pesos, francs, dinar, kroner, krona, real, riyal, sheqels and a photo of the dour rock star, Gordon Brown.

“So you recognize the world economy is underwater,” the voice reverberated. “And what do you propose to do about it?”

“I will beat John and Moose-alini in the November follies -- Sweet Virgina, Carolina, Florida and Ohio willing. I will bring change you can believe in.”

“I require more than spare change, young Skywalker,” the voice rebuked.

“I’ll sing “Come Together” with Sir Paul, I’maDinnerJacket and Joe the Plumber,” Barry said. “I’ll nail jello to the wall and win the Putin lipstick on a pig while mud-wrestling contest. And even Mr. Republican, Colin Powell, is voting for me.”

“Give it up,” the voice said.

Barry threw $150 million, his September campaign contributions, into the water.

“You must build a bridge across the pond,” the voice intoned. “And I don’t mean a bridge to nowhere.”

“Ich bin ein Berliner, as another handsome, charismatic President once said. I will go to Pakistone and Afghanistone,” Barry promised. “My armies will ensure that Bin Laden becomes Bin Trodden.”

“For a constitutional law professor and Harvard law grad, you are a dense stone,” the voice said. “You must win the Sarah Palin-drome contest.”

“You mean ‘able was I ere I saw Elba’?” Barry asked.

“Yes. An army of unemployed English and philosophy majors must be put to work. Along with stone masons, carpenters, roofers, the endangered species formerly known as autoworkers and steelworkers to bridge the gap.”

Barry groaned. “You drive a steep price, O Lady Who. I will try my best.”

“Do or do not, there is no try,” said the voice.

“Yes, Mistress Yoda.”

Next week: at the Palin-drome


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